QC- "You Look Fine" - The Hidden Grief Nobody Talks About: With Shawn Whitney

Chronic illness grief differs significantly from the grief experienced after death—it's complicated, ongoing, and often invisible to others. Shawn Whitney, a licensed therapist specializing in trauma-informed care, explains how this "complicated grief" compounds daily as individuals continue to face their illness while support typically fades away after just a few weeks.

• Chronic illness grief is "complicated grief" because the person isn't gone but continues living with daily challenges
• Unlike death, chronic illness grief lacks visibility—"you look fine" becomes a painful dismissal of real suffering
• Initial support after diagnosis typically disappears within 3-4 weeks, while the illness remains
• Complicated grief compounds over time as new challenges emerge and previous losses remain unprocessed
• The ongoing nature of chronic illness means individuals must face their grief daily without the closure that comes with finality

If this episode resonated with you, check out episode 62 where Shawn shares more insights about healing through trauma and chronic illness. Send your questions by using the link in the episode description, emailing contact@endobattery.com, or visiting the endobattery.com contact page.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Chronic Illness Grief
• 1:06 Sean Whitney: Trauma-Informed Care Expert
• 1:39 Understanding Complicated Grief
• 3:29 The Compounding Nature of Illness Grief
• 4:32 Episode Wrap and Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Have you ever heard of chronic illness grief? Sure, we've all heard about grief when someone passes away and we miss them. But have you ever considered that maybe some of the emotions and some of the things that we're going through are related to being chronically ill and grieving through that? If this strikes a chord, then stick around as our guest, sean Whitney, dissects this even more. Life moves fast and so should the answers to your biggest questions. Welcome to EndoBattery's Quick Connect, your direct line to expert insights. Short, powerful and right to the point. You send in the questions, I bring in the experts and in just five minutes you get the knowledge you need. No long episodes, no extra time needed. And just remember expert opinions shared here are for general information and not for personalized medical advice. Always consult your provider for your case-specific guidance. Got a question? Send it in and let's quickly get you the answers. I'm your host, alana, and it's time to connect. It's time to connect Today.

Speaker 1: 1:06

I'm honored to welcome Sean Whitney, a licensed therapist and founder of Restoration Family Therapy. Sean specializes in trauma-informed care and supports individuals and families navigating the complex emotional toll of chronic illness. His compassionate approach helps clients process past wounds, build resilience and find connection in the midst of physical and emotional pain, whether it's coping with medical trauma, managing the stress of a long-term diagnosis or healing relational strain caused by illness, sean provides a safe space for restoration and growth. Let's get into this. What are some differences between identifying chronic illness? Grief, because you know we hear about the different stages of grief when it comes to losing someone. But to minimize the loss of somebody because that's significant.

Speaker 2: 2:06

Right, particularly by death. The finality of a loss is often really difficult for us to really deal with on a variety of levels. Right Right, but I think there's something unique around grief as it relates to continuing life, and particularly life with a chronic illness. I call it complicated grief. There is some literature that uses that term, but there's not a lot of it out there.

Speaker 2: 2:35

What it talks about is similar to post-traumatic stress, where we can have complex post-traumatic stress where there's a number of different things that pile up on top of each other to create a bit more of a challenge in our lives, and I think, in a similar fashion, that's complicated grief. The person isn't gone, or I'm that person and I'm not gone, right, the issue isn't visible. You look fine, right? Right, the issue isn't visible.

Speaker 2: 3:05

Mm-hmm you look fine, right, right. There are a variety of ways in which complicated grief, I think, feels like double the grief and even double or triple the loss, in that we see kind of a groundswell of support when somebody passes, due to natural causes or otherwise, and then, within an average of three to four weeks, all of that ground swell of support suddenly falls away. Right, right that that most of the time when we lose somebody to death, there's a lot of support, a lot of thoughts, a lot of prayers, a lot of gifts, a lot of offers for help, right, and then it disappears. And the thing about complicated grief is it continues, right that I'm still getting up the next day and dealing with the very thing that I might have grieved yesterday, or I refused to grieve yesterday because of whatever reason. And I think that's what makes complicated grief so difficult for us is that it only compounds, it doesn't just kind of go away.

Speaker 1: 4:16

Right. If this episode struck a chord with you or helped you feel seen in any way, I encourage you to check out episode 62, where Sean shares even more insight and support. His approach to healing through trauma and chronic illness is something you won't want to miss. That's a wrap for this Quick Connect. I hope today's insights helped you move forward with more clarity and confidence. Do you have more questions? Keep them coming, send them in and I'll bring you the expert answers. You can send them in by using the link in the top of the description of this podcast episode or by emailing contact at endobatterycom or visiting the endobatterycom contact page. Until next time, keep feeling empowered through knowledge.